Mr. Mac Mini, 1, of Bellaire, Texas, died September 3, 2009 at home, from unknown causes. Mr. Mini was found sleeping at his desk and could not be revived. Heroic efforts were made by his friend and manager Kent Newsome, who performed immediate emergency surgery on Mr. Mini, to no avail.
Mr. Mini was born in June 2008 in China, and moved to Bellaire, Texas in December, 2008. He was the son of Steve Jobs of Cupertino, California. Following graduation from the Apple Store in 2008, Mr. Mini enlisted in the Extraordinary Everyday Lives Show and appeared semi-regularly during his short life. In early 2009 he partnered with childhood friend Mac the Ripper to rip a few recalcitrant DVDs. Several of his ripped MP4’s reside in the Newsome family media library. For his actions Mr. Mini was awarded the distinguished Medal of Mediocrity by leading tech blog Newsome.Org.
Mr. Mini was a life long Macintosh, and worked tirelessly throughout his life to rebut the oft-cited Mac superiority claims by Macintosh fans. From the age of 2 months, he was mute, unable to produce the slightest sound through his tiny little speaker. Thanks to the miracle of modern geekiness, he was kept alive and in operation for almost nine months.
His untimely death was met with great reaction from the technosphere. Steve Wozniak released a statement saying “while I am saddened by Mac’s death, when his father and I split up and his father got custody, I knew something like this was going to happen.” Noted blogger/photographer Earl Moore said “well, we all know Macs suck, so everyone should save themselves some misery and get a far superior Windows-based computer.” Richard Querin noted “since OS X is nothing more than a glorified Linux kernel, what did you expect?” Upon hearing the news, Bill Gates pumped his fist in the air and began to jump up and down briefly before falling to the ground with leg cramps.
Mr. Mini is survived by his father, of Cupertino, California, two brothers (HP, 3 , and Dell, 5), of the home, one sister (IBM, 4), of Houston, Texas, several mice, keyboards and iPods, and one AppleTV.
A private memorial service was held on September 4, 2009, after which Mr. Mini was interred in a trash bag.
In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to the Vintage Mac Museum, or the charity of your choice.