Tag: humor

"Oh man, I shot Harry in the face"

One of the great things about being the Vice President is that, in addition to getting to go hunting all over the place, if you accidently pull a Vincent Vega and shoot someone in the face, they apologize to you.

Maybe this will start a new trend.

Someone steals your car, write them a note apologizing for not having a nicer one.

Lose your wallet to a pickpocket, track them down and slip them an extra 20.

The neighborhood kids egg your house, take their parents a dozen eggs to replace the broken ones.

I think this might get legs

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Nerd Wars V: The Gatekeepers Strike Back

ds-756001So Tristan Louis posts in opposition to The New Gatekeepers without linking to a single one of the prior posts saying the same thing, thereby becoming what he is criticizing in one of the most ouroborously efficient posts on record. Other nerds, including me, start braying about the great equality that is or is not the blogosphere.

Dave Winer shouts out from the Deathstar that at least some of the people complaining about the Gatekeepers are whiners and then tells me in a conversation in his newly enabled comments that Tristan has the “highest ratio of flow-to-actual work in the entire blogosphere.”

Om takes a break from continuously reading Newsome.Org to link to Tristan’s post like it’s an earth shattering revelation, again without mentioning the scads of earlier posts saying the same thing.

Meanwhile, Scott Karp, circling the Deathstar and trying to decide whether to shoot or land, says there’s nothing wrong with being a Jedi Gatekeeper, as long as you use the Force wisely.

Shel Israel gives a homily about Saville Row tailors and whatnot and ends up saying that some lady started a blog and got famous which proves that Z-Listers become A-Listers all the time. He also praises Doc Searls, which I heartily agree with. One of Doc’s posts was the catalyst for some of this recent debate, but as I said in my post yesterday, Doc is a good guy, and he proved it in a post yesterday responding to Seth Finkelstein‘s comments about life at the lonely end of the long tail.

Meanwhile Mathew Ingram suggests that Doc add comments to his blog, and gets hollered at by Dave in the comments, thereby proving and disproving both the need for comments and facial expressions in one fell swoop.

And, finally, Phil Sim, still back on Hoth, casts a lightsabre at both the Empire and the rebels and calls on the Gods of Reddit to save the galaxy.

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My Ship Has Come In!

Just a little bit ago, while I was watching Tom and Jerry with the girls, I got this exciting email:

From: Richard D. Forrester, Esq. (For Trustees)
Managing Partner (Aaron & Partners LLP, Cheshire, England CH1 1HG)

Notification of Bequest.

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Mark Halligan, I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Engr. Mark Halligan made you a beneficiary to his will. He left the sum of Nine Million, One Hundred Thousand US Dollars(US$9,100,000.00) to you in the codicil and last testament to his will.

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. Engr. Mark Halligan until his death was a former managing director and pioneer staff of a giant construction company (JULIUS BERGER). He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to give out. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. Late Engr. Mark Halligan died on the 9th day of February 2004 at the age of 82 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution.

According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy.

Please If I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible by email: richardd.forrester@personal.ro to enable me conclude my job. You should forward along your current telephone number, including your current mailing address.

I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Yours in His service,

Richard D. Forrester, Esq.

***

How exciting it feels to be rich. I’m not bothered by the fact that nowhere is my name mentioned. Or that some big time British lawyer uses an msn address to send mail and an email address in Romania for replies. I just wonder if the “Esq.” means he is a lawyer or the son of a British nobleman. Probably both.

You always hear about people falling for these things, but I honestly can’t believe that these dumbasses really believe anyone will fall for this or that anyone will.

I bet the real Richard Forrester would be stoked to find out someone is impersonating him in such a fine manner.

This lame attempt at a scam reminds me of one of the funniest lines from one of the funniest movies ever: “The Ring! I can’t believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book! What a fool, what’s with you man, c’mon!?”

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This is So Wrong

And so hilarious. The only reason my friends didn’t do this to me back in the day is because there wasn’t a lottery.

Click on the photo to watch as some guys job their buddy into thinking that he won the lottery. They recorded the lottery numbers as they were announced for the previous drawing and then bought a current lottery ticket with those numbers. So this guy is unknowingly watching a recorded lottery number announcement while holding a ticket for the current lottery with the same numbers. Cruel…and brilliant.

WARNING: Lots of cursing, so don’t watch at work or around tender ears.

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All of My Fears Combine to Torture Me

soundofmusic

If somehow Barbara Streisand wins this contest then everything I fear and loathe will be rolled into one horrifying musical. (fn-1)

It seems that Andrew Lloyd Webber has signed on with the BBC for a TV talent show to play the Julie Andrews part in his stage version of The Sound of Music.

I don’t have the words to describe how urgently I hope my wife doesn’t find out about this and try to make me go.

Link

Footnotes:

1. While in my commited opinion all musicals are horrifying, some are more horrifying than others. The Sound of Music being by far the most horrifying of all.

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Friday's Link: Birthday Scams

One of the funniest things on the radio is the birthday scams that Dean & Rog do on 93.7 FM in Houston. At times, I have laughed so hard I had to pull over to keep from wrecking my truck.

Some of them are available online. Every one of these is hilarious.

Start with “Where’s Your Payment,” “Claude’s Dog” and “Cementing Frustration.” Funny stuff.

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